Thursday, 15 January 2009


I had an operation today, I knew it would be happening,
Still, looking at the dark purple stain spreading across my face right now, I am a bit worried people will notice!!!!!, I'm wondering if I should start a rumour.....yeah that'll do it.
I'll just tell everyone that I went under the knife for cosmetic reasons. That has kudos, that tells everyone that I am superficial and shallow.....just like themselves.

I had my cheek bone nibbled away, through a hole in my jawbone.....nice, can somebody give me a peanut/ or a currant bun?????
my current vocal and visual reincarnation of John Merrick is quite uncanny. I am available for films, wedding and bar mitzvahs and halloween.

I'm not sure I've mentioned it, but I wrote my car off last week, quite spectactularly
ACT-u-aLLY, held up the M1, for at least an was novel to be the cause and not part of the tailback(heehee). BUT it is the strange events of that morning I wish to mention, I was left on my own after the accident, in temperatures of -9' at 5.00am, I had no working phone, and a car that had to be removed from its cuddle with the bridge..... the reason that I was left on my own, was a collective joke amongst the emergency services.....a conversation took place where each person present said "oooh got to get back, got lots of paperwork to do before the shift ends" wink wink "do you have to get back too for paperwork?"
I have never seen so many people WANT to do paperwork!!!!
I asked the ambulance crew what I should do about the smoke etc, that I inhaled from the airbag, I was told to wash my mouth out with water, and he couldn't give me any, because they didn't have any!!!! an ambulance, no water???? is it just me, is that strange?
Then they said, that the new shift would send someone to keep me company, and check on me...... when the tow truck I had arranged arrived at 8.15am, I had spent over 2 hours on my own and no one had shown up..... AM i MAD, Should I be able to expect more than to be left on my own, with only a silver foil tissue and my simmering anger? I mean, how was the foil tissue going to save me, should I have wrapped road kill in it and roasted on the still burning bonnet of my car for sustanance, 'foiled' a mugger, rolled myself in it and lay like a dumped body, hoping to confuse would be rapists? It was minus 9 degrees for god sake!!!!!!!! I wasn't the bloody Christmas turkey, ready for the hot oven. Aaaaaarrrrrggggghhhh.
I'm lucky, to be honest, to get out of the car alive, and I appreciate that, but, and this is where I errupt, they are going to bill me for the damage to the central reservation and to the bridge, so what are all my taxes for again??? anyway, if I have to pay for this, therefore it belongs to me NO?
Well then, next week, look out for my new car, same spot, I'm going to screw some signs on,
This belongs to...........
And then the next person to have an accident in the same place owes me!!!

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