Friday, 16 January 2009

just a quickie

Ok, just a quickie..
I have just watched the new and improved husband ring the doctors on my instructions.......obviously no one answered( first experience i think for him) normally people don't keep him waiting.
so, what did he do? it could be a man thing, because i don't know a woman this stupid......., he disconnected the phone and rang back..DOH!!!!!!!! like huh!
ok, first you were second in the doctors queue, and now you are 52nd. Does he think,that the receptionist plays EENY MEENY MINY MO with the phones, picks up only those calls they like. God give me strength..... and then he said, " do they always take this long to answer?"
honestly deja vu....

Thursday, 15 January 2009


I had an operation today, I knew it would be happening,
Still, looking at the dark purple stain spreading across my face right now, I am a bit worried people will notice!!!!!, I'm wondering if I should start a rumour.....yeah that'll do it.
I'll just tell everyone that I went under the knife for cosmetic reasons. That has kudos, that tells everyone that I am superficial and shallow.....just like themselves.

I had my cheek bone nibbled away, through a hole in my jawbone.....nice, can somebody give me a peanut/ or a currant bun?????
my current vocal and visual reincarnation of John Merrick is quite uncanny. I am available for films, wedding and bar mitzvahs and halloween.

I'm not sure I've mentioned it, but I wrote my car off last week, quite spectactularly
ACT-u-aLLY, held up the M1, for at least an was novel to be the cause and not part of the tailback(heehee). BUT it is the strange events of that morning I wish to mention, I was left on my own after the accident, in temperatures of -9' at 5.00am, I had no working phone, and a car that had to be removed from its cuddle with the bridge..... the reason that I was left on my own, was a collective joke amongst the emergency services.....a conversation took place where each person present said "oooh got to get back, got lots of paperwork to do before the shift ends" wink wink "do you have to get back too for paperwork?"
I have never seen so many people WANT to do paperwork!!!!
I asked the ambulance crew what I should do about the smoke etc, that I inhaled from the airbag, I was told to wash my mouth out with water, and he couldn't give me any, because they didn't have any!!!! an ambulance, no water???? is it just me, is that strange?
Then they said, that the new shift would send someone to keep me company, and check on me...... when the tow truck I had arranged arrived at 8.15am, I had spent over 2 hours on my own and no one had shown up..... AM i MAD, Should I be able to expect more than to be left on my own, with only a silver foil tissue and my simmering anger? I mean, how was the foil tissue going to save me, should I have wrapped road kill in it and roasted on the still burning bonnet of my car for sustanance, 'foiled' a mugger, rolled myself in it and lay like a dumped body, hoping to confuse would be rapists? It was minus 9 degrees for god sake!!!!!!!! I wasn't the bloody Christmas turkey, ready for the hot oven. Aaaaaarrrrrggggghhhh.
I'm lucky, to be honest, to get out of the car alive, and I appreciate that, but, and this is where I errupt, they are going to bill me for the damage to the central reservation and to the bridge, so what are all my taxes for again??? anyway, if I have to pay for this, therefore it belongs to me NO?
Well then, next week, look out for my new car, same spot, I'm going to screw some signs on,
This belongs to...........
And then the next person to have an accident in the same place owes me!!!

Wednesday, 14 January 2009


I'm S. I am a Best Mate and I have a Best Mate, whom my husband despises!

Said husband has recently had an epiphany and realised, that he has made my life misery for the last two years of marriage...and i wonder, did the words "I'm leaving you !" have anything to do with said epiphany?.......answers on a postcard please....

And i mean I have been here before, this is deja vu, second marriage, and endlessly in relationships, I think I'm a Fixer, trumpets please....dahdaaahhhhh! Miss fix u.... are you unhinged, broken, damaged, do you need to control, be the governing body in a relationship? then abuse me!!!!

Honestly my mum says i have a magnet on my head, but at least now i know that, i know that i look for a type that needs me, when all along I needed me more than anyone else.....and my Best Mate, CB made me see that, (along with my NutNut Doctor, as i affectionately refer to her as).

I think thats why said husband hates CB.

I'm going into hospital tomorrow, little operation, shouldn't be too bad, the All New Improved husband has taken a week off to nurse me, oh Lord help me!

I'm supposed to be Nil By Mouth, but i just caved in to a cup of tea, I live on tea, (I spent six months searching for my perfect tea, but more about that later) will two hours make that much difference? Oh who cares?

Am I wrong to be wary of this new man? And, where has his backbone gone, on holiday? hes like a subserviant race of man, that I have never seen before. Oh God a week of this,